Return of the Roshi

When you’re a new student of anything you really rely on having a teacher near at hand. One that will let you skin your knee, but not break your leg (metaphorically of course…except the time I was learning to rock climb). As a new student of Zen Buddhism, I certainly feel that way. It’ s a little different then other educations. It’s not like you arrive and start with chapter one. At least not in my case.

I moved to work for and practice with a zen master. It was one of those offers that probably only comes along once in a lifetime or I guess every few lifetimes. I love where I live. I love my Roshi- he’s an exploration in opposites, but so am I, so I think I found the right teacher. He’s very diligent in his sitting practice, I am not. It’s not like there’s a chart on the fridge with happy Buddha stickers when I do sit. He doesn’t say anything either way. That’s a zen thing I think. He does have this uncanny ability to know what’s going on with me though.

One week I was really struggling with one of the other teachers- frankly he had pissed me off and really disappointed me. And I’m doing my best to seem unaffected and fine about it. You know…Buddhist. But I was hurting. So one morning when I actually got myself out of bed to go sit we were doing the usual morning chants and as I was closing the Sutra Book, he says, “Lets chant the Bodhisattva’s Vow.” We did and then we sat for half an hour. I made my way up to the house while he stayed in the Zendo.  I just shook my head realizing all the energy I had put into being upset and making this person wrong. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to the place where I can bypass the anger and go right to the compassion. But it definitely works to have someone around to gently remind you of what you’re truly committed to and who you really are at your essence. Someone that will let you skin your knee, not break your heart.

Now to why this posting is called- Return of the Roshi. It’s because he’s been gone for the month of April and returns tomorrow. I have gotten a lot out of my time alone here. I’ve even been more diligent in my sitting. At first I was like ‘who’s gonna know whether I sit or not?’ I’ll know, that’s who. I’ve gotten so much pleasure in being surrounded by nature and what it offers the senses. Being alone and being quiet have been a nice creative partner. I’ve been writing and creating up a storm with girl&muse.com and some other projects. I was happy to clean the Zendo today and prepare it for Roshi’s return.- I’m completely obsessed with cleaning the incense holders.  I’m excited that he’ll be able to see the daffodils that bloomed while he was way. More tales to come. Be well.

Everything in the readiness of time

 one of my teachers uses this line all the time….half the time i feel like a child that has been patted on the head and sent off to play…the other half i think i must be the most impatient person i know. but i didn’t come to zen for another tool to measure myself with…isn’t that what the scale and Cosmo are for?  i think the lesson of the statement is really about being present- that seems to be the root of most of this education. longing for something from the past or that hasn’t yet happened takes me away from the moment…what might i be missing?  sitting keeps me present, walking keeps me present, painting keeps me present, cooking keeps me present. it’s all zazen…he says that all the time too.

our retreat schedule is starting up and i’m excited to be with the sangha and to be the tenzo…the kitchen is my other zendo. most of my time and energy is going into girlandmuse.com and my art. meditation has been a great creative partner. i have a number of big projects i want to assemble but can’t quite figure it out…everything in the readiness of time with that too i suppose.